Monday, April 30, 2007

Monsters in Closets

“Battle not with monsters lest you become one.”--Nietzsche

“There are very few monsters who warrant the fear we have of them.”--Andre Gide

I have found that, in addition to clothes, some closets house skeletons, truths, and sometimes monsters.

Skeletons hang around waiting to be dusted or worse to be dragged out, screaming and kicking into the open light. Truths are vigilant and lay low, until, they can no longer stay hidden inside. The monsters, however, never leave (closets being their residence of choice) unless they are permanently snuffed out. They simply lurk around, lingering year after year pretending as though they are not doing anything sinful. Closet monsters are often known to say (in my experience anyway), in somewhat sardonic voices:

“Oh by all means, do carry on. It’s not like we will ever affect you. We’ll just stay put. Damage has already been done, but we’ll still hang about and on a timely basis remind you of what haunts you. Now go on, do try and have a normal life.”

These beasts have varying sizes, shapes and demeanors. Some closet monsters come with the camouflage of friendliness while others are ghastly no matter what. They are stunning illusionists and are quite passionate in what they do. Sometimes people go in and face them, mind you, this is quite enjoyable for the beasts. They like a good stand off. They don’t feel too much pain and certainly love implementing it onto others. They always believe themselves to be in the right, no matter how much wickedness they are mired in.

Many foolishly go in after them with the intent to cause physical damage. A move that is utterly wrong, as the great power of a closet monster is to cause emotional and psychological distress. They are not particularly physical beings. They quickly hide when they sense that those with the proper remedy of monster evaporation are close at hand.

Closet monsters reappear when you are alone and vulnerable. Most often than not, the best way to extinguish these monsters is to simply ignore them. They are extremely affronted if their presence is in any way demeaned or overlooked. They slowly go mad, screaming and wailing as they flee for good. I’m not sure if they have a corporation backing them up like in Monsters Inc., but I’ll bet their union’s a bitch to negotiate with.


  1. oh gosh those closest monsters are nasty...the metaphorical kind as well as the ones we were sure lived in our closest when we were kids!

  2. They sure are Tisha. I always made sure my closet doors were closed at bedtime as a kid.

    So nice to see you Tisha! :)

  3. Awww well these are cute monsters, how am I supposed to be 'fraid of them?? :)

  4. If the monsters we envisioned as kids, looked like these guys, then there'd be no need to be frightened I suppose. I mean if Cookie Monster lived in my closet back then, I really wouldn't have complained! :)


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